Friday, June 19, 2009

Tough Decisions

One of the best moments of my day happens on those days that Oscar picks up the boys. I walk in the door and up the stairs from the garage and they come running to great me, competing for hugs and kisses and attention. I love it. I love having my boys excited to see me. This is what greeted me when I came home on Wednesday.

This in great contrast to those days when I pick up the boys from my MIL’s. Instead, they don’t want to come home. They only want to be with Grandma, and in Nick’s case sometimes Grandpa, and really don’t want to pay me much attention. Although, in the past couple of weeks, Gabe has been much happier to see me.

It’s hard and frustrating, when I love them so much and they haven’t seen me all day. Shouldn’t they be happier to see me? More excited? But no, I do not compete with the grandparents that they see all freaking day long.

It’s never easy to make decisions as parents. There are days when I regret the fact that I work outside the house full-time. That I regret that much of the raising of my children in their early years has been delegated to my MIL. Then there are days after a rough morning or Sunday evening and I’m so happy to be at work. To have that break, where I’m an adult and can have adult conversations, so I’m better for those times when I am home with the boys.

There are always the questions of what’s the right decision for childcare, for preschool, for where to live, for diapers, for feeding. And for every decision that you make, there is going to be someone strongly opposed, who will tell you that you made the wrong decision. And for the most part, I don’t know that there are wrong decisions, just different decisions. As long as it is not placing your child in harm and it’s right for your family, who’s to say it’s the wrong decision?

Of course, that doesn’t help me not worry about making the wrong decisions when it comes to raising my children. I guess every parent worries about that.


So today I’m wearing a dress. An actual dress. Not just a skirt like I wore to work on Monday (I know two work days in one week where I didn’t wear pants. Shocking!). It’s a long blue maxi dip-dyed sun dress that I bought from Old Navy, after succumbing to those compelling modelquin ads.

Of course, the top is a little skimpy, so I’m wearing a blue cardigan over it to make it more work appropriate. Of course I finished the look with a pony-tail and flip flops, so maybe it’s a little casual for work, but hey, it’s Friday. Any way, it’s a little figure hugging over the stomach and hips. Not tight, but any bulges are noticeable.

So, I’m also wearing one of those body shaper thingies that sucks in the stomach, hips, thighs and lifts up the butt. I know, a sundress with a body shaper, so casual. However, it does make feel less insecure about how I look, so isn’t that the important part?


This afternoon we’re leaving to go up to my in-laws country house for the weekend. I spent last night packing and doing laundry. I stayed up later than I intended, but I was trying to get everything done, so that when we came back Sunday afternoon I wouldn’t have much to worry about. Then I forgot to pack my lunch and breakfast for work today ::sigh::

My MIL is going to drive up this afternoon with the boys, and Oscar and I are going to drive up after I get off work. Ordinarily I would have taken a few hours off this afternoon so we could get an early start, but there’s an important meeting at 1:30 this afternoon that I kind of can’t miss, so I can’t leave.

Oscar actually wanted me to take the whole day off so we could also go see the Hangover, which does look amusing and has been getting high ratings, but I just didn’t feel like I could do it, what with the time I’m taking off next week for our beach trip.

I’m not really looking forward to the weekend. I mean, I’ll be trapped in a tiny house with my MIL, and two small children without cable or internet. Plus, it’s not my house. It’s not my bed. Also, it’s not child-proofed, which makes it a great place for a toddler who likes to investigate everything inappropriate, often putting objects in his mouth (current favorites include tiny magnet letters, tiny foam letters, and tiny foam monsters, which, of course are all brightly colored like candy, or Fruit Loops).

I think we plan to go to the Golden Corral for Father’s Day (I know the buffet, how classy are we?). And I’m sure there will be trips to Wal-Mart. Maybe even a trip to the sit-down, eat-in Pizza Hut, that Gabe loves so much. I can already feel my need for coffee increasing. Preferably a Starbucks Venti White Mocha… mmmm…

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