Thursday, September 2, 2010

I Think it Might be Broken

When I made the decision to get pregnant, I knew there would be some changes to my body. I expected many of them, and am okay with most of them. The saggy boobs, the squishy midsection (although I'd really like to fix that), the silver stretch marks, the red scar across my stomach. Even the joy that were hemorrhoids. But I was not the least bit prepared for prolapse, especially a diagnosis nearly two and a half years after the birth of Nick.

I finally went to the doctor on Thursday to get my lady parts examined, and will shortly have a referral for a gynecologist that specializes in prolapses. My excitement can not be contained. It's so frustrating to feel like I'm broken. I've thought about more children, and despite my ability to get pregnant, I feel like it's not a good ideal health wise for me to have more children, with the prolapse being just the latest in my medical issues. And let's not get started on the apparent threat the umbilical cord seems to pose to my children.

I've never been bothered by doctors, or really concerned with any procedures. "Oh, so you want to give me a bunch of random shots in an auditorium, sure, why not. Sounds like fun." But the prolapse thing does kind of scare me. I realize that I've caught it early, my doctor said on a level of 1 (mild) to 4 (severe) it was only a 1, and that there were plenty of nonsurgical options at this stage, but I just feel so broken. It makes me feel as though the option of having another baby is being taken away from me.

I'm glad I went in, but I worry that I might be a hypochondriac. I've seen my doctor at least once every other month this year for something, often the same something, but I fear that Dr. Google might be leading me astray. Does anybody else try to self-diagnose?

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