See Food

So I've started a new diet today. Or rather a diet I've been on before, but I'm starting it again. I'm doing the SlimFast/Lean Cuisine/Yoplait diet. In other words I'm using as many pre-packed convenient diet foods as I can and calling it a diet. And it works. At least for me.

Trying to making my own meals and eat healthy has not been working for me. Or maybe I haven't been working for it. Either way, I've largely spent the past year on the See Food diet. You know the one, where you see food and you eat it? Yeah, and I gained about 20 lbs on it. Putting me at 5 lbs overweight, and 30 lbs from where I ideally want to be.

Last June wasn't the best month for me, between Nick being hospitalized and moving into our new house. I never quite got back on  track after that. So I'm doing my pre-packaged food diet with a calorie goal of 1500 and trying out Lindsay Brin's Moms into Fitness 60 Day SlimDown System.

Ideally I'd like to be down to my goal weight of 134 by my 30th birthday on December 2nd. I think 6 months should be enough time to lose 30 lbs, as long as I stay on the wagon.

I know it's not easy, life has a habit of getting in the way of the best intentions, and I don't always have the best willpower. But I really do want to be successful at this. Most importantly I want to be healthy, but I also want to lose some weight and look better in my clothes.

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Did you know that parenting can be hard? Or that being a parent that works outside of the home can be heartbreaking? It's true.

Nick started preschool on Monday, and will be going three days a week. Part of the reason is to put my MIL back into the role of Grandma, and not third parent. But, we also think that it will be good for him. He needs people, and does not have any playmates his own age. Initially Oscar was going to keep him the other two days, but my MIL requested to have time with him, so she'll be coming over Thursdays and Fridays to get the boys ready and take Nick home with her.

Drop off went well Monday and Tuesday, he barely stopped to say goodbye before he was off exploring the classroom. Today, however, he didn't want me to leave. He didn't want to stay. And he was crying. It hurt to see him crying for me. Because I had to leave. I had to take Gabe to school and I had to go to work. But I didn't want to leave. I wanted to scoop him up and take him home with me.

I know this is a good environment for him. He's been wanting to be in school since Gabe started Pre-K last Spring. He has had no problems adapting and the peer environment works well for him. He eats what everybody else is eating and naps because everybody else is napping. Yesterday I asked him what he learned that day, and he told me he learned how to eat a meatball.

***

In other news, I finally finished my degree last week. I still need to get in contact with my Academic Counselor to determine the steps to get my diploma, but I'm done. Just in time for the craziness of the holidays.

We had Thanksgiving at our house this year. Oscar's mom, dad, and sister came. I made my sweet potato casserole just because I love it, but we ordered our meal from Wegman's. It was supposed to be heat and serve. However, we missed the fine print, where it said everything was frozen. So heat and serve took a lot longer than expected. It was good though. Wegman's is always good. My MIL also made deviled eggs (Oscar's favorite), cornbread, and pumpkin pie. Oscar's uncle was supposed to come too, but we found out at the last minute that he was not going to be there. He didn't have other plans, so I'm not sure what that was about.

Oscar and I did hit a couple of stores on Black Friday, not because we really needed anything, but just for the fun of it. We waited in line until midnight for Old Navy to open and picked up some clothes for the boys. We also went to Toys 'R' Us and while we did find a couple little things for the boys, the lines were so crazy that we decided not to buy anything.

My MIL spent the night so Oscar and I could hit the sales. The plan was for her to take Gabe to their country house to spend the night, so they could get the Christmas decorations. However, when they were getting ready to leave, Nick thought he was going too. He even went into the garage and got his Lightning McQueen suitcase and put all his Beanie Baby birdies in it. He was so excited about it, we asked if my MIL could take him too, and we would just drive up a little later and get him. He was so happy.

On Saturday evening, after Gabe and my MIL got home, we went to see the lights display at Bull Run Regional Park. It's a great display and the boys loved it. I loved seeing how excited my boys were with every display.  The entire park is lined with lights with different themes as you drive along. At the end is a little carnival, which the boys wanted to go to, but it was freezing out. Riding a Ferris wheel when it's 30 degrees and dark out, just does not sound like a good idea.

***

It feels so weird that today is the first day of December. I'm not sure where the year went. I remember all the big events of the year. Nick's 2nd birthday. Nick's stay at the hospital. Our vacation at Great Wolf Lodge. Moving into our house. Gabe's 5th Birthday. Gabe's first day of school. Gabe's t-ball games. My trip to Seattle for my 10-year reunion (which I skipped in favor of hanging out with a friend and watching a movie at the local Cinebarre). Our 6th anniversary.

Tomorrow is my 29th birthday. My last year in my 20s. I'm not sure how I got his old. I don't feel like I'm old enough to be 29. Or to be married. Or to have two children. I still feel 18, discovering the world outside of school and my home for the first time.

Next year I will turn 30, which just boggles my mind. How can I be almost 30? It's so old, and yet it isn't. I still have the majority of my life ahead of me. I have my children to watch grow up, graduate high school, then college, get married, have babies of their own. I have so many years ahead of me. And yet 30. I'm not ready for 30.

His Normal

Gabe had his weekly therapy session yesterday. Right now we're using therapy to help manage his ADHD symptoms. I'm also hoping that it is able to help with his inability to express his feelings or relate to other children.  My husband sent me an e-mail last night and mentioned that Gabe asked when Nick was going to start going to therapy. And it made me cry.

He doesn't know that he's different. And I hope that he never does. We're taking the necessary steps to help him at an early age. But it is hard. It's hard having a child that behaves and reacts to things in a way that I don't understand. I know that some of it, of course, is his age, but a lot of it has to do with the ADHD.

T-ball is a prime example. Yes, I know. They are five. Attention spans aren't the best to begin with for your average five-year-old. But when the team is on the field, the other little boys are watching the ball and chasing after it. Gabe lets it roll on by because he's staring at the sky or picking grass or laying flat on his back in the outfield.

I am the type of person who likes routine. I want things to go the way they're supposed to go, and get stressed or anxious when they do not. I realize that is my issue, and I'm working on it. However, routine does not work well with Gabe. Requests with multiple steps do not work with Gabe. Trying to get him to focus on anything for more than a few minutes does not work with Gabe.

I know how swimming lessons and gym class have gone. I know how he has responded to soccer and T-ball. School is still a bit of a mystery to me. I know he's a sweet and charming child, and does well with women he likes. I also know that Kindergarten is packed with activities, so the kids are never at any activity for too long, although the lessons of the day are repeated throughout, just in different ways. So it's probably ideal for him.

But I still worry. I worry that he can't tell me the names of any of the students in his class. I worry that he is not learning what he needs to be learning. I worry that Kindergarten may be the easy part, and next year first grade is going to throw us for a loop. I worry because that's what I do, but also because of who he is. I've been worried about school from the first day I suspected that he had ADHD.

I worry because I watched my brother grow up with ADHD, and I watched him struggle. Things like school and making friends came so much harder to him. My brother is doing fantastic now. In fact he is working on his Masters Degree. He is in a career suited to his interests and personality. And he is still best friends with his best friends from fourth grade. One of whom was the best man at his wedding.

I know I am not alone. I know there are other parents out there dealing with the same issues with their children. However, on the bad days it doesn't make it any easier knowing that.

Bad Medicine

Apparently the only way we can keep Nick out of the hospital is by having frequent visits with his pediatrician. Today will be his third visit to the doctor since his cold moved into his lungs on Friday. On Saturday it was determined that he has pneumonia in his right lung, and was put on albuterol (luckily we still had that handy nebulizer from his last bought of pneumonia) and antibiotics. Yesterday we added an oral steroid.

Today's trip will likely include a chest x-ray and an additional antibiotic. Once he final shakes this round of pneumonia, his doctor wants him to be on a preventative medicine throughout the entire fall and winter, in an attempt to avoid pneumonia if he gets (or should I say when) he gets sick again.

Back Story: In June Nick got sick with croup twice. The second time, apparently it moved into his lungs and likely cause Pneumonia. However, we only found this out when he had a seizure and fell off our bed in reaction to his fever. We called the paramedics (and boy is it fun to have about eight paramedics in your bedroom), and they checked him for a concussion. They didn't see any signs of trauma, but recommended we take him to the ER just to be safe. What scared me was that he was very lethargic after having the seizure, which is such a foreign state for Nick. Inova Loudon Hospital in Landsdowne has a separate pediatric ER, so they took us there.

Nick was checked out and it was determined that he did not have a concussion and the seizure was likely a febrile seizure, but hey his lungs don't sound so good and his oxygen levels are really low, so let's admit him. They immediately put him on oxygen. We ended up being in the hospital for three days, until Nick could sustain his oxygen levels consistently on his own.

Not that being in the hospital is ever any fun, but the care we received and the amenities in the pediatric ward were fantastic. It really helped make a bad situation tolerable. We were also lucky that my MIL was available to care for Gabe, so that Oscar and I could focus on taking care of Nick.

I really hope that Nick gets better soon, because he's still wants to to run and play, but he's supposed to be taking it easy while he recovers. He's also cranky, and doesn't want to sit and be still every four hours when he's supposed to get a treatment with his nebulizer. Luckily he doesn't fight me when it's time to receive his other medications.

We're going to take every precaution necessary to keep him as healthy as possible during the upcoming cold and flu season, but I'm still afraid that even with the necessary preventive steps, he's still going to get really sick again.

Two

I've been posting a lot about Gabe lately, just because of all the new things happening in his life, but I thought I'd take this post to talk about Nick.

Nick is almost two and a half, and like many toddlers his mood swings are quick and fierce. His tantrums are epic, and his love is heart-melting. It's hard to say no to a toddler who wants to sleep with you at night when he says, "Mommy, I'm lonely. I need you," and then goes and gathers up his pillow and his two chosen lovies. I have a hard time resisting him. The feeling of him in my arms as he buries his head in my shoulder, the sweet smell of freshly washed toddler... Very hard to resist.

His hair continues to be long and fluffy and red. He loves to dance. We recently discovered Pandora, and he loves the Doo Wop channel. He especially loves when I dance with him. We also recently discovered YouTube and at times he'll demand Little Bunny Foo Foo or Animal Fair or the Manamana song. Sometimes he'll want me to put on a cartoon, such as an old Chipmunks short or Scooby Doo.

He misses his brother, now that Gabe's in school, although he enjoys the undivided attention he gets from Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt R. He wants to be in school because Gabe is in school. With his eagerness to do everything Gabe does, I think he will probably start reading when Gabe does. While I don't doubt Gabe's intelligence it is a struggle to get him to focus on learning to identify letters in words and what sounds they make together.

Nick's new fascination is with my in-laws country house. Whenever he asks where anybody is, regardless of my answer, he responds by telling me that they are at the country house. He had a great time there last weekend when we went up for Labor Day. Although he did come home with two burnt fingers from getting too close to the fire when he was roasting marshmallows (I wasn't there, Oscar and I were a county fair watching a TNA wrestling match).

Nick continues to love meat over carbs, which is just the opposite of his brother. His main meal is usually chicken nuggets, fish sticks, or hot dogs, whereas Gabe prefers noodles with butter or Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (yes, it must be Kraft). For Nick I've tried to pick the healthiest versions of his favorite as possible, but it's hard to ensure they are both eating healthy. The only vegetable Gabe will eat is carrots, and Nick will eat Carrots, Potatoes, and Corn, sometimes grape tomatoes and cucumbers. They do eat a lot of fruit.

Nick can chatter in full sentences and is understandable at least 90% of the time. He's running and jumping like a champ. He's in the process of getting his two-year molars. Two have popped through so far. He knows his colors, can count to 10 consistently, sometimes to 20. He knows most of his letters, and can sing almost the whole alphabet song.  He continues to amaze me every day.

But his sweetest words are still "I love you, mommy," sealed with a hug and a kiss.

Who's on First

So, there's a great skit by Abbott and Costello about baseball, and if you've never read it/heard it, I highly recommend that you go take a look.

The reason I bring this up is because Gabe has started t-ball. Last night was his second practice and this Saturday will be his first game. Watching five and six-year-olds learning how to play baseball reminds me of the confusion in that skit. I'm also baffled by the convoluted plan the coach came up with to cycle the kids through all the positions and up to bat. It took so much time after each at bat to figure out which child belonged where (Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base. Abbott: No. What is on second base. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first.) Because of this our hour long practice stretch to 90 minutes. 

While I'm not sure that Gabe will ever excel at any sport, he is after all my child, and I have no coordination whatsoever. When it was time for racquet sports in P.E., I had to go play with the wall, because I was so awful. The wall usually won. Any way, to top off Gabe's lack probably lack of coordination, as I've mentioned before, he also has ADHD. So if there is nothing going on, or rather, nothing immediately for him to do, he's trying to build dirt mounds or pick grass. Or anything but paying attention to the coaches and watching the ball. 

It is cute. He has baseball pants, and cleats, and a team uniform. They are the Padres, and as I had to ask someone, the SD on their hats stands for San Diego. They are the San Diego Padres. I wasn't aware that San Diego had a baseball team. But then again, what I know about sports could fit on the head of a ballpoint pen, probably with room left over. I have however purchased a book titled, "The Smart Girl's Guide to Sports: An Essential Handbook for Women Who Don't Know a Slam Dunk from a Grand Slam". I am promised that when I find the time to read this book, I will have a comprehensive knowledge of sports. 

Gabe isn't too bad when he actually thinks about what he's doing and makes an effort. The coordination for catching isn't quite there (and he likes to put his glove on the wrong hand), but he can throw decently and hit decently. But the key is when he pays attention and focuses, which is extremely hard for him. 

The biggest problem I have with t-ball is that practice occurs at 5:30, and makes a long day of having to behave even harder. Yesterday was a prime example. His classroom has four tables each with their own color. Well-behaved tables get awarded a color stick in their color pot, with the goal to collect five sticks. When your table does, you get to pick out a prize from the treasure chest. Gabe's table was the most well-behaved yesterday, so he came home with a prize. 

He then proceeded to be difficult the entire evening, and Oscar and I were sorely tempted to not take him to t-ball practice because his behavior was so lousy. Julie at A Little Pregnant explained it so much better yesterday. It's so frustrating to hear about how good a day he had at school and then having to deal with arguing, complaining, and back-talking. Then to add t-ball on top of it all, and expect him to be fully engaged is a lot to ask. 

I wonder, how do other parents deal with this behavior in their children?

Yes, I Cried

So, yesterday was Gabe's first day of Kindergarten. His backpack, jacket, hat, and name tag were set by the door (with care), and his lunch was made and waiting in the refrigerator. His outfit for the first day of school was carefully picked out, and sitting on his bookcase. His alarm was set for 6:00 AM, to make sure he had plenty of time to get ready and eat breakfast. And then we drove him to school.

We parked the van and walked him in and yes, I cried. I didn't want to let him go. My baby is no longer a baby. He's in school now. My husband met him after class got out, to make sure that he got onto his bus for his afternoon class at the local multipurpose center. I was so worried about him. I'm still worried about him. But he seems to be doing okay.

He enjoyed school, and while he was disappointed that they did not get any recess time, he was excited about getting a tour of the school. And explained how they were supposed to walk through the halls - in one straight line with a finger to the lips and a hand on the hip. He brought home a picture he colored, along with a packet full of paperwork for us to read and fill out. When we picked him up yesterday afternoon, he was so happy to see us and so excited to talk to us about his day. He was like a wriggly little puppy.

My MIL dropped him off this morning, and I just called to check on him. She said he was Mr. Independent and asked that she just pull up to the door in the Kiss and Go lane and let him get out because he knew the way to his classroom. And I cried. My baby has gotten so big. So very big. I'm so glad he's doing well, although I know that today is only day two.

It's amazing how quickly the time goes. It feels like he was just born yesterday. I can vividly remember the start of my labor, and the night while the contractions got more frequent. The delivery is a bit of a blur - there were so many people in the room. I can remember bringing him home to our apartment and our first walk around the block, and how painful that was. I remember each of his birthdays. But it still feels like it happened so quickly, that five years were gone in a flash.
Then again, my ten-year high school reunion is next month, and I'm wondering where those years went.

Twas the Night Before Kindergarten

Tomorrow Gabe starts kindergarten. I'm worried that we're not ready. The school supplies have been delivered (along with checks for his weekly Scholastics magazine and daily milk). His backpack, jacket, hat, and lunch bag have been labeled and are ready to go. He's very excited to show everyone his very cool Buzz Lightyear backpack.

So it's not the physical readiness that I question. It's the emotional readiness. I can't believe he's already starting school. I worry that he's too young. He's such a very young five. He also has ADHD, which is not going to make it any easier. I worry that he hasn't spent enough time interacting with his peers and having to listen to someone who is not family.

At the recommendation of his therapist, we have also enrolled him in an afternoon program at the local rec center. The teacher knows the curriculum of Gabe's teacher, and her program is designed to build on what he learns in his A.M. kindergarten class. He'll have to learn to eat lunch on a schedule, and will have no choice beyond whether or not to eat what is packed for him. Gabe doesn't do well on a schedule, and he's used to eating whatever he wants all day. Life with Grandma watching him has been an easy one.

Grandma, for her part, is concerned with how little he will be getting to eat. Only his milk in the morning and his lunch midday. She's also worried about the fact that recess is considered a privilege and not a right, and that bad behavior will result in a loss of recess. The first two weeks will be a little more lenient as the children get used to school, but after that they will all be expected to know and understand the rules of the classroom.

What I'm most amazed with is how much school has changed since I was a little girl. There are no holiday parties. No Halloween party or Christmas party. Kids will not be allowed to wear costumes on Halloween. There also is a no food rule, kids can't even bring cupcakes in on their birthdays, although I think that is particular to our county, rather than public schools in general. We're also not allowed to walk our kids to their classrooms. A teacher will meet the kids outside to ensure they know where to go, but parents are only allowed in for special events and parent teacher conferences.

I really want this to be a good experience for Gabe. I want school to be something he enjoys and looks forward to. So far, he is really excited, but he hasn't started yet. It's going to be a huge change for him, and I'm not sure how it will go. I guess only time will tell. I'm just hoping that it won't be my child that visits the Principal the first week of school.

I Think it Might be Broken

When I made the decision to get pregnant, I knew there would be some changes to my body. I expected many of them, and am okay with most of them. The saggy boobs, the squishy midsection (although I'd really like to fix that), the silver stretch marks, the red scar across my stomach. Even the joy that were hemorrhoids. But I was not the least bit prepared for prolapse, especially a diagnosis nearly two and a half years after the birth of Nick.

I finally went to the doctor on Thursday to get my lady parts examined, and will shortly have a referral for a gynecologist that specializes in prolapses. My excitement can not be contained. It's so frustrating to feel like I'm broken. I've thought about more children, and despite my ability to get pregnant, I feel like it's not a good ideal health wise for me to have more children, with the prolapse being just the latest in my medical issues. And let's not get started on the apparent threat the umbilical cord seems to pose to my children.

I've never been bothered by doctors, or really concerned with any procedures. "Oh, so you want to give me a bunch of random shots in an auditorium, sure, why not. Sounds like fun." But the prolapse thing does kind of scare me. I realize that I've caught it early, my doctor said on a level of 1 (mild) to 4 (severe) it was only a 1, and that there were plenty of nonsurgical options at this stage, but I just feel so broken. It makes me feel as though the option of having another baby is being taken away from me.

I'm glad I went in, but I worry that I might be a hypochondriac. I've seen my doctor at least once every other month this year for something, often the same something, but I fear that Dr. Google might be leading me astray. Does anybody else try to self-diagnose?

I'm Still Standing

I haven't posted in a long time. But here I am. I'm still alive and kicking. I'm still struggling with this whole life balance thing. I'm still working on being a better parent. Especially to Gabe. Who's been officially diagnosed as having ADHD, and is currently in therapy, but more on that another time. We're getting ready for him to start kindergarten, whether or not he's ready (or I'm ready), and I'm not sure that he is.

I have completely fallen off the healthy bandwagon, and am struggling to get back on. I've gained weight, more than I'd like. I've been trying to use Jillian's workouts to get back in shape, and it's hard. It's so easy to let anything get in the way of eating right and exercising. First there was a broken toe (I got stepped on by a pony), then there were the exciting mole removals, and then moving, plus work and school and raising small children. And sometimes it's too much. Many days it's too much.

School is coming to an end, thankfully. I'm scheduled to finish my last class on November 22nd, and I am more than ready to be done. I'm hoping that that will result in less stress and more motivation for other pursuits, but who knows.

I'm trying to pretend that I'm a social butterfly, and have had guests over on numerous occasions, although I've kept the gatherings small and have been totally freaked before their arrival. I'm enjoying having a house, with space for company, and a deck, and a backyard. It's just that I'm a shy nonsocial creature by nature, so socializing is an anxiety-inducing event. But I'm trying. For me. For my boys. For my husband. I'm trying. But it's not easy.

Any way. I'm back. I'm here. And I'm going to try and post regularly again. Even if no one reads it. Even if it's just a place for me to vent. Or to write down my feelings. Or whatever.

The Number of the Day is 5

I finally signed up for my first 5k last week. It's on Thanksgiving. I figured that if I know I'm going to eat a lot on Thanksgiving, and I always do, it would be great to have to do exercise first. I've already been training, running for a minimum of 30 minutes 3 times a week, so this is just an added incentive to stick to it.

This morning was one of my best runs yet. Normally I need a water break after 15-20 minutes, and this morning I ran without stopping for an entire 30 minutes, and then ran an additional 15 minutes after that. My pace was about 6.0 mph and my incline ranged from 1% to 4%. It was tough, but I also hit 4 miles, which is the first time I've done that in a very long time.

All this training has not moved the scale as much as I would have liked, even though I can tell that my pants are getting loser. I'm just one of those people that likes to see proof of her hard work. That's another reason I like running on the treadmill so much and will probably have to get some sort of gadget when/if I start running outside.

I also need to start mixing up my strength training more. I do Jillian's No More Trouble Zones, usually, but even though a lot of the moves are still challenging, it's starting to become too routine. Last night I was checking out the latest videos on demand on ExerciseTV and saw that the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Hard Body Boot Camp was available. I watched the routine and it looks like a pretty good workout. Military style exercise is something I'm very familiar with. So I think I'll do that tomorrow morning, and maybe add the Ab workout too.

:::

Tomorrow is also a special day. Oscar and I will be celebrating 5 years of marriage. We're both taking the day off work to spend together. We plan to go bowling, out to lunch at our favorite grill, to see a movie (probably Couple's Retreat), and then out to dinner at the Melting Pot, which is so good.

We originally planned to spend the night at a hotel, but with Halloween being the following day we decided that that would just be too difficult. Plus Nick has his gym class in the morning, and all the kids are supposed to dress up for it. Then we have the parade in the afternoon and trick or treating in the evening.

Even without the hotel, I still think it will be a great day, and I'm looking forward to it.

Missing Brother

This past weekend Gabe was out of town with my MIL all weekend to celebrate his second cousin’s 8^th birthday. So Nick got a lot of quality alone time with Oscar and me, which he enjoyed. He loved having our undivided attention, but he also missed Gabe a lot.

Both Saturday and Sunday he wanted to go wake Gabe up and got upset when he realized Gabe wasn’t there. He also kept looking for Gabe to play with him. He just looked lonely. Oscar and I tried to play with him a lot to make up for it, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted Gabe.

It was especially bad Sunday evening when Gabe got home. Nick followed him around and kept trying to hug him and play with him. Gabe was happy for the attention at first, but quickly grew bored with it. He wanted to be left alone.

After the boys were both in bed Sunday, Gabe needed to get up to use the potty, and Nick, who was only half asleep, heard him, and got very distressed wanting to be with him. He kept yelling Gabriel, and even tried to get out of his crib, which he never does, to go be with Gabe. Nothing could calm him down, short of a car ride.

I felt so bad. I didn’t like him being so upset. It was almost as though he feared that Gabe was going to go away again.

My boys are such very different types of people. Gabe is much more introverted and concerned with his chosen selection of special people. He prefers one-on-one attention and lots of alone time. Nick is more extroverted and loves to be around people. He is especially interested in Gabe and what Gabe is doing, which more often than not, irritates Gabe.

I know part of it is normal sibling issues, but I think the other part is their very different personality types. It’s another one of the reasons I’m torn on having another child. I think Nick would benefit from having more siblings to play with, but I think Gabe needs so much individual attention that it could be hard. I also worry that Nick could get lost in the middle.

Overruled

I’ve written before about how much I appreciate my MIL, and I do. She’s way cheaper than daycare, adores the boys, and does all that SAHM stuff that I would never do even if I were a SAHM. Unfortunately, since she is family, she also feels that she can do things her way with little regard for the preferences of my husband or me (mostly me).

This coming weekend Oscar and I had made plans to go bowling with friends over a month ago. A week ago my MIL found out that her nephew’s daughter, R. will be with him for the weekend of her birthday and she wanted to plan R. a party (her nephew and his wife recently divorced). She’ll be turning eight. She also wanted to bring Gabe to the party she’s planning, although there is no set time, other than sometime Saturday.

The annoying thing is she just assumed that Gabe was able to go, and that any plans we made weren’t important. I should also mention that Gabe has soccer practice Saturday afternoons, and that he’ll have to miss practice to go to the party (not that he’s that into soccer). My in-law’s country house is close to where my MIL’s nephew lives so she was planning to go up Friday evening and not return until Sunday afternoon, and expected to take Gabe with her for the whole weekend.

Oscar ended up giving in, and we decided we’d go bowling with our friends even without Gabe. It’s just frustrating that she just assumes she can make plans with Gabe whenever she wants, as though she is his parent and not us. Admittedly it will be a more relaxing weekend without Gabe running around, but I will miss him, and we get such limited time together during the week that it’s hard to let him go on the weekend.

Canceled

So this past weekend was the weekend of canceled plans due to sick kids (not mine) and bad weather. While it was nice to relax and get stuff accomplished around the house that I'd been putting off (like cleaning off the top of our dressers), it was a little disappointing to have so many things canceled.

Saturday was really cold and rainy, so Gabe's soccer practice was canceled. Although we still went to Nick's gym class. We were also supposed to go to the local farm with some friends, but that was closed due to the weather. Saturday night was supposed to be my girl's night, and I was so excited, but that too was canceled. K's youngest woke up sick, and she didn't want to have a babysitter with a sick kid or expose me to the germs. Totally understandable, but disappointing nonetheless.

To make up for that Oscar asked his mom if she could watch the boys for a couple hours so we could go out to dinner alone. I thought that was super sweet. We went to Outback, his favorite restaurant (apart from Jack 'n the Box). It was delicious. I even had a drink, an excellent blueberry martini. I do like me some vodka.

On Sunday we were supposed to have a playdate with some friends up the street during the Redskins game. Oscar was going to watch football while Gabe and Nick played with their son. Unfortunately their oldest, who is 2, started throwing up that morning and so our friends had to cancel the playdate. Gabe was very disappointed. He's been wanting to play with their son for weeks now.

Oscar did, however, get most of the work done on their pumpkins, which please Gabe. Gabe's pumpkin still needs a face, which I think they're going to do tonight. Oscar got a Sesame Street carving kit, which seems to be this year's Halloween Theme. Nick's is, of course, Elmo. Gabe's is going to be the Count. Elmo came out really well, and looks awesome with the candle shining through.

I got a ton of cleaning done this weekend. We can now see the tops of all of our dressers. All the laundry is folded, including the shirts Oscar stuffs in the back of his closet. I even ironed four of his dress shirts and a pair of his pants, and I never iron! Unfortunately I think that is still a work in progress. No, I didn't burn anything, but I wasn't very good at getting all the wrinkles out.

We also picked up a few new games this weekend for my Wii. One for me, one for Oscar, and one for both of us. Toys 'R Us was having a buy two, get one free sale on all video games. The game we got for both of is the Star Wars Clone Wars game, with lightsaber battles. So awesome. Also, you can get a sweat on if you play for a while. We don't have the lightsaber accessories yet, and yes they do make them for the Wii, but I think that they're on our list of things to get. It's a ton of fun to play. I also got the Wii Fit Plus. Oscar got Grand Slam Tennis.

I'm so glad Oscar finally convinced me to buy (and not return) the Wii and Wii Fit. I'm really enjoying them both.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Tomorrow night I'm going to have my first girl's night in a very long time. We're going to dinner and a movie, and Oscar is watching the boys. I'm even missing bedtime! It feels almost like a first date, and in a way it is. My friend K. and I, have gotten together many times to do family things with our boys (and husbands), but have never hung out just the two of us before.

There's a great shopping center about 15 minutes from where we live, that has a movie theater and a few restaurants, so we're going to meet up there. The plan is to see Whip It, which looks like a great chick flick, without being a romantic comedy. There's a great grill right next door, so that's where we plan to eat dinner.

It feels silly to be so excited about this, but I am. I really don't have any female friends, and I miss it. I love my husband, but sometimes it would be really nice to have another women to talk to about things. I'm hoping that maybe K. could be that person.

Also what do I wear? Casual? Dressy? I have no idea. I was thinking of jeans, a nice sweater, and boots. But I'm not sure.

Okay, I'm done sound like a pathetic wall flower. Let's move on to more exciting topics. Like exercise!

:::

I've been consistently working out for three weeks now, and have lost 5 lbs in that time. I run three days a week and on the other two days I do a video or I use ExerciseTV On Demand, depending on my mood. I'm also playing with my Wii Fit every evening, because that's fun, and addicting, and it tracks progress.

Although, I totally felt stupid last night, when trying to figure out why I couldn't get the step aerobic activity right, I finally determined that I had the fit backwards, so of course it wasn't registering me stepping with proper foot. Also, why I couldn't do any of the balance games, because it was backwards. Not that turning it around improved my score for the balance games by that much. The Wii Fit says I am very unbalanced. However, I have managed to not launch the Wii remote at the TV, so I have that going for me.

Listening Ears

We always ask Gabe before we go someplace, or before he goes into a class, if he has his listening ears on. Quite often he does not. In fact he often tells us that his listening ears ran out of batteries, and that's why he wasn't listening. It's most apparent when he's in a class, such as the swimming class he was in today.

I realize that most 4-year-olds have moments where they don't listen or ignore what an adult is saying. I also realize that it is often more difficult for boys. However, if you were to get a group of boys together and instruct them to do something, most likely it will be Gabe that is not participating, or not doing what he's supposed to be doing.

I'm not sure how to correct this behavior, although it's been an issue since he started talking. At first I thought it might have been an issue with how he was parented, since I had a test case of one. Then I had Nick, who is an entirely different kind of difficult, but listens quite well, he just may choose to ignore you. It seems like Gabe isn't even hearing us, despite having perfect hearing.

The threat of consequences or the promise of rewards doesn't even seem to phase him. Although, he can be bribed pretty well with a cookie when we're out and about. Most times he just misbehaves and then gets upset when he loses something or doesn't get a reward, which usually results in a major meltdown. It's so frustrating.

Swim class today was a perfect example. There was one other boy and two little girls in the class. As is usual of children this age they all had a little trouble listening. Gabe, however, just wanted to do his own thing, sometimes even when he was out in the deep water with his instructor. He would wander off from the group because he wanted to put his head in the water, or continue to splash even after being asked not to, or chase after the buoy that they use to practice skills with.

It was the buoy that managed to scare Gabe straight today. In the shallow part of the pool, there's a ledge that the instructor has the kids stand on so the water is only waist high. Across from the ledge is a wall that a life guard walks on, so they're pretty safe. However, Gabe kept wandering down to where the ledge drops off. At one point the buoy had drifted that way and Gabe wanted to get it. It was about two feet from the wall the ledge was attached to, and he grabbed it. However, he was now in the middle of the water with nothing but the buoy and went under water a couple times in his struggle to get back to the ledge.

If he hadn't been able to get out of the water and back to the ledge, I know the life guard who was right there would have rescued him, but it was enough that he listened for the last 10 minutes of class. He was scared into listening and behaving. I tried to tell him that listening is often for his own safety, but he can't seem to comprehend that sometimes. I hate to think that he needs to get scared or hurt to learn why he needs to listen to grownups.

What about you? Do your children have difficulty listening? How do you handle it?

Wiikend Update

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but Oscar used to work nights and weekends, which would often make those weekends he wasn't working really stressful, since we would try to cram everything we could into them. Most weekends we limit what we do to only one big thing for the boys. This weekend it was C.'s 3rd birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, followed by a late evening of playing with S. and C. at their house on Sunday. Most of the weekend was spent chilling out at home, which is nice.

Friday was my flex day, and since Oscar wasn't feeling well, he stayed home with me. We went bowling and then out to lunch. It was fun and low-key. I really like that we've found an activity that we both enjoy doing, even if our skill levels are very different. My average is 70 and his is 150. It gives us a chance to relax, talk, and joke around, while having fun. So much of our dating has revolved around eating out and movies/TV, that having something semi-active to do together is a nice change of pace.

:::

On Saturday, Nick had gym class, which he always enjoys. Gabe did not have soccer due to the holiday. After we got home, I finally set up my Wii, which has been sitting in a closet for the past month. Oscar, recently bought Rock Band, and Gabe has been anxious to try it out, even though he doesn't have the hand-eye coordination necessary to play. Poor Nick was so curious about everything, and wanted to participate, but if my 4-year-old was struggling, I wasn't about to let my 18-month-old try.

My Wii came with Wii Sports, which is so much fun. It should be no surprise that my favorite sport to play is the Wii Bowling, and I was actually doing okay. I was at least getting my average, and at one point even bowled over 100, which I could never do without bumpers at a real bowling alley. I also opened up my Wii Fit, which was the main reason I wanted the Wii. I haven't had a chance to do much beyond setting up my profile, but I did set up a profile for Gabe and he played a few games. For him I focused on games that just involved balance, rather than needing the remote, and he did pretty well, and was much less frustrated than he was with Rock Band or bowling.

I still plan to do my Treadmill or video workouts (ExerciseTV or NMTZ) in the mornings, but the Wii Fit seems like something fun to do in the evenings. It's a workout and a game. I'm also hoping that since it is a video game, that maybe I can get Oscar working out on it too. I was really proud of myself this morning, because for the first time I didn't have to stop once during my 30-minute run on the treadmill. I can feel myself getting stronger, and I really like that feeling.

:::

On Sunday, we went to C.'s party at Chuck E. Cheese. Gabe has such a great time. He was so excited to see S., even though they're in two different classes together during the week. For him, it's never enough time. In addition to the normal entertainment offered by Chuck E. Cheese, our friends hired a face painter for the party. Gabe got a Spiderman mask and then a rainbow on his arm. S. had to get a matching rainbow on her arm, because she liked Gabe's. Nick got his face painted too, although he had to sit on my lap for it. We decided on a little pumpkin for his cheek. Later on he also had a little turtle painted on his hand.

Nick didn't have as good a time as Gabe did, but a lot of it is because there is not much that is age-appropriate for him. He's also still fighting a cold, which has him rather cranky. He did like the Chuck E. Cheese ride that takes pictures, and I was dragged to that at least 5 times. He was also curious about the animated Chuck E. Cheese, but didn't want to go near it. I tried once, and he burst into tears. The party was fantastic, and Gabe had a great time, which is the important part.

After the party we took the boys home and got them ready for bed, pajamas and all, and then went over to our friend's house so that Gabe could play more with S. and C. Nick had fun playing with their toys, since other people's toys are always better than your own. C. thought Nick made a good doll, and wanted to dress him up. He ended up with two necklaces at one point. Oscar turned on the football game, and I spent time talking to our friends. We also had some excellent Chinese takeout for dinner. The boys were up way past their bedtimes, but they had so much fun, that it was worth it. Especially since it's only an occasional thing.

Fighting Fall

This morning I got up and worked out, although it was the hardest morning yet to force myself to get out of bed. Nick was up for about an hour last night coughing, so I was exhausted. Getting up to do an exercise video just didn't sound very appealing, but I did it anyway. For an hour. And I feel good about it. Tomorrow I'm supposed to run, and as long as I get up, I'll have completed two full weeks of working out.

My schedule is to run for at least 30 minutes 3 days a week and to weight train for 45 minutes 2 days a week plus 20 minutes of yoga in the evenings. My calorie goal is 1500 calories a day. So far I'm doing pretty good and have lost 4 lbs since last Monday.

I'm one of those people that has to watch what they eat and exercise or the weight creeps on, as has happened to me recently. I was eating a lot of junk and was sporadic with exercising and gained about 10 lbs. So frustrating. I also recently discovered that my cholesterol is high, which is really scary, since my dad's side of the family has a history of heart disease.

Unfortunately we're entering the time of year that causes me the most troubles with eating healthy, since I love all the seasonal food. Pumpkin-flavored things, Halloween candy, Thanksgiving dinner and leftovers, Christmas cookies, Egg Nog. I know when the Cheesecake Factory starts selling Pumpkin Cheesecake (mid-October, in case you were interested). So eating this time of year is a challenge for me. Especially on the weekends when I don't have my normal routine to keep me on track.

Also, on a slightly related note, I recently discovered Exercise TV on demand, and it is awesome. There are so many workouts available for free. I've been doing the yoga programs and really liking them. Also discovered that there is a huge variety of free programming available on demand. Some of it is interesting and some of it is really weird. There are even how-to videos for putting on makeup and doing fancy up-dos. How did I live before on demand?

Socializing our Children

I had a really nice weekend for the first one of October. The weather was great, and we were able to have the boys do some fun activities and get things done around the house.

On Friday, Gabe spent the night with my MIL because the high school near her house was having their homecoming parade through the neighborhood and on Saturday there was this Joe Gibbs carnival thing going on. Oscar and I just stayed in with Nick and caught up on the TV shows we had recorded from the week.

On Saturday morning, Oscar and I took Nick to gym class, which was our first opportunity to be in class together, which was nice. We went to every one of Gabe's parent-child classes together, but it's difficult to do the same thing when we also have an older child. Nick is still tentative around all of the older children, he's the youngest in the class, but he does all the skills.

After Nick's gym class we went to the mall to pick up my anniversary present (five years on October 30th), and to get Nick a cat from Build-a-Bear. Gabe has an orange tabby that meows and Nick really likes it, so we wanted to get him one of his own. He calls it a "mow". Unfortunately Build-a-Bear no longer sells the orange tabby, so we got him a sparkly snow leopard instead, which Nick approved of. We named it "Meow", since that's what Nick calls it. However, it still does not replace his beloved red giraffe ("raffe").

In the afternoon, Gabe had soccer practice. My MIL and SIL met us at the field with Gabe. Oscar has been roped into being the assistant coach, but I think that helps Gabe to some extent. We're having a hard time deciding if we should keep signing him up for soccer. He's good at all the drills, but when they break up into team to play games, he's too timid to go after the ball if another child has it.

Later in the afternoon we attended a block party organized by our block captain and his wife. Yes, I totally live in that type of neighborhood. Gabe had a great time. There was a treasure hunt and mini pumpkin painting as activities for the kids. They also invited our local (neighborhood) fire department, which was there for the first part of the party. There was also a ton of food. Nick ate an entire corn dog and loved it, even if it took him over an hour to eat it.

However, I only talked to the couple people I knew. One was a girl (and her family) that Oscar grew up with and the other were a couple we met in Gabe's gym class. I was too shy to go and introduce myself to anybody new, even though I wanted to. I don't know what I think is going to happen, but I can't seem to work up the courage to go up to somebody new and say "Hi, I'm Cookie. What's your name?" I feel ridiculous just typing that. And this is why I will never be the head of the P.T.A. Also, why all my friends are in the computer.

On Sunday, Oscar and I tried to take Gabe bowling, but that didn't work out too well. As usual Gabe was excited about the idea of bowling, but wasn't as interested in actually bowling. Also, he ended up spilling his soda everywhere (we let him get root beer as a special treat), which turned into a total meltdown. We left after one game. My score was as bad as usual (I never get above 100).

The rest of the day went better. I got a ton of stuff done around the house. All the laundry. I even organized all my sweaters, and discovered a bunch that I had forgotten about. Also got the boys playroom reorganized and lunches done for the week.

I feel so much more relaxed now that I'm taking an extended break from school. Getting up early to work out doesn't as feel as hard, because I'm able to go to bed earlier. I just feel better. I know I'm going to go back to school in January, because finishing my degree is important to me, but it's really nice to not have to work about homework for a while.

Starting a Routine

I recently switched doctors, because I didn't like my old one and never went for any reason. It had been almost two years since I had seen any doctor besides my OB/GYN and a dermatologist, so it really was time. I scheduled a physical to get an initial assessment of my health and learned that my cholesterol is high. Since heart disease runs in my family, this is a huge concern. My weight has also crept up to 158, which is technically not classified as overweight for my height, but it's close.

I've let myself slip the past few months. I've started numerous exercise routines only to quit after a week or two. I haven't been eating well, usually eating decently during the day and then eating way too much junk in the evenings and on the weekends. So my weight may be on the high side of normal, but I don't want to be borderline and I want to be in shape.

This week I started a new diet of 1500 calories, and logging everything I eat at the DailyPlate. I'm also getting up every morning at 4:30 a.m. to exercise, which also means I'm going to bed by 9:00 p.m. My routine is to run for 30 minutes 3 times per week and strength train for 40 minutes twice a week to start with, ultimately working up to running for 45 minutes and strength training for an hour. I also am planning to sign up for a 5K in November, so I have something to work towards.

It's just so challenging. Especially when Nick has a bad night, and doesn't sleep well or wakes up while I'm working out. Or if I've had a stressful day at work, and all I really want to do is bury myself in a pint of Ben and Jerry's, but instead I have a nice healthy bowl of cereal. The weekends are the worst, because I'm away from my routine and have access to my entire pantry and fridge, which do not contain the most healthy of foods. Also, the boys have activities and we get together with friends, which makes it difficult too. Not to mention my Pumpkin Spice Latte addiction.

There are so many times I want to screw it, and I have. That's how my weight has crept back up and that's how my cholesterol got too high. I don't want to be unhealthy. So even when working out is the last thing I want to do, I'm going to do it.

This morning was a perfect example. Oscar was flexing today, so he was still in bed when my alarm went off (normally he leaves for work before 4:00 a.m). He told me I could just stay in bed and work out tonight, but I know I won't. It's too easy to come up with an excuse at the end of the day, especially on a Friday. I've worked hard this week. I'm tired. I've had a long day, ect. So I got up and worked out. And I feel so much better because I did.

I always wonder how other people deal with these challenges. How do you motivate yourself to work out and eat healthy even when it's the last thing you want to do?